YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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