Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
