I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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