I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
