It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
