i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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