I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
