I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
