Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
