Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize