I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
