I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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