I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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