he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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