haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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