cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
