Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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