We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
