and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
