Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
