dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
