Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
