The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
