I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
