i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
