# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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