just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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