There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
