direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
