and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
