literally had 100 drinks last night.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
it's like heaven, but drunker
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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