This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
