I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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