woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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