with your own penis?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
