Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
