U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
