He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize