My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
