My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
