I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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