is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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