I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize