were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Two words: blizzard sex
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
