He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
