hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
