I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize