There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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