sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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