i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I can text with my tongue
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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