this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize