Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
