I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
