i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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