i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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