Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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