I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
