I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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