my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
