I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
