Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
