Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Vodka?
Forever.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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