trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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