Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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